My journey into mental health nursing

I remember the day I chose to become a mental health nurse like it was yesterday. That moment will remain memorable and poignant because it was also the day that I decided to fight anorexia with all my might. I distinctly remember sitting in the lounge of the eating disorders ward I was a patient on and observing a nurse supporting a patient who was terribly upset. I could see the distress level in the patient’s face gradually falling the more the nurse spoke and listened. At that point I thought to myself, I want to do what you are doing, I think I could really help people. Considering I had spent the previous months feeling as though I would be better off dead, this was progress. I had started believing in a future for me where I could fulfil my potential. The nurse in question was simply listening, showing care and empathy and providing reassurance, but those were the skills needed at that time. The patient proceeded to thank the nurse for her support and she appeared a lot less distressed.

 

I remember this nurse particularly fondly and she was a huge inspiration to me. I have yet to come across a mental health nurse as skilled, committed, caring, compassionate and empathic as her. She always made you feel very valued and validated which is incredibly important. In a sense, she taught me a lot about how to be a mental health nurse and I aspire to provide the level of care that she delivers to her patients.

 

I had contemplated a few different career options as a child, the significant ones being soldier, nurse, P.E teacher and psychotherapist but I did not have any particular aspirations. When I became unwell with anorexia I was in my first year of 6^th form and my school had already started putting pressure on us regarding university. At this stage I still had no idea what I wanted to do in life, I did not know what I wanted to study or even if I wanted to go to university. I remember telling a teacher that I was interested in adult nursing, they dismissed it and told me I should aspire to be better than a nurse. I did not trust my own judgement and was a people pleaser so I began searching for other health related courses. I came across audiology in a prospectus I was flicking through and I thought it sounded interesting. I made the decision there and then to apply for that course. I have no idea what drew me to the universities as they were all random and I had only ever really seen Manchester and De Montfort. The other universities I applied to were Swansea, Bristol and Aston. I got a place at all the universities other than Swansea. I came to the conclusion that this was probably because in my interview, on being asked ‘why do you want to study at Swansea’, my response was ‘I came on holiday here as a child and I love it here’. This was quite possibly the worst answer I could have given and was also a complete lie as I had never been to Swansea before. 

 

My 6^th form years are a blur to be honest as I was quite unwell throughout them. I was just going along with whatever I thought people expected of me without giving one thought to my own feelings and desires. If I reflect on it now, I feel a right idiot because I knew that I did not want to study audiology, so it was all a complete waste of time. I did however feel a pro at university interviews by the end of it. I went along with it all up until the August of 2010 when I was admitted to hospital. I had decided on the University of Manchester as my firm choice and De Montfort as my insurance. I got a place at Manchester but deferred on health grounds, however the following year I was even poorlier and I therefore withdrew my university place all together in 2011.

 

 

I left hospital in 2012 with little confidence and I still had no idea of what career I wanted to pursue. I began volunteering at an Age UK day centre, acting as an escort on their mini-buses and helping in the centre. I was initially a bag of nerves, but I soon grew in confidence and managed to get myself a job there. It was during my time at Age UK that I began to consider nursing again, specifically military nursing. I went to my local forces careers office and spoke to some recruiters however I soon found out that my health conditions would probably make me exempt. There went the ‘military dream’. At this time, I was also facilitating a group for people with mild to moderate dementia, providing cognitive stimulation therapy. I really enjoyed this and valued having the extra responsibility. Realising how much I enjoyed caring for people living with dementia I started to look into admiral nursing. Not long after this my mental health deteriorated, I became very unwell with anorexia again and I was eventually hospitalised.

 

At this stage I had started to lose any interest career-wise again which was probably because I had very low self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. I was off sick from work so I just figured I would go back to work there. Whilst I was in hospital, I started to have tonic-clonic seizures and was eventually diagnosed with epilepsy. When I returned to work I was told that I would be unable to do any lone working which was very frustrating. My role had now become a lot more limited and I no longer enjoyed the job I once loved. In hindsight I was still unwell when I left hospital and perhaps was not ready to go back to work. The return only lasted a few months before I gave up on myself and decided I had had enough. I wrote a 3-page suicide note to my parents detailing why I could not bear to live anymore. I then went and hurt myself and was taken to hospital where I was assessed by the mental health team and admitted to an acute mental health ward. I had hit absolute rock bottom because I felt as though I had lost everything and saw no way out.

 

It was during my final admission to hospital that I worked with the nurse I mentioned earlier. It was an incredibly tough admission but it helped me immensely. After I had decided that I wanted to be a mental health nurse I looked on the UCAS website to see what universities offered the course and what the qualification requirements were. I knew that King’s College London had an esteemed nursing school and many of the students I had come across in hospital studied there. I realised I did not have quite the required grades, but I thought I would try anyway as that was where I was keen to go. I also chose Manchester, Leeds and 2 other London universities. I then began writing my personal statement. A part of me felt as though it was too soon as I was still in hospital receiving treatment myself but I decided to just go for it. Before long I was receiving dates for interviews. Kings sadly rejected me on the basis that I did not meet their qualifications criteria. I embarrassingly sent them a begging email but it was sadly to no avail. I remember my Manchester interview well, recalling exactly who asked me what. It felt good to be returning there in the quest to be accepted on to a course I wanted to do. I remember being given a very warm welcome there and it felt right, I felt as though I belonged there. Then came the anxious wait to see if I had been accepted. I had another couple of interviews following the Manchester one, but I had already decided that Manchester was where I wanted to go. I discovered that I had been offered a place whilst having a coffee in my local M&S café. As you can imagine, I was delighted and I loudly shouted yes, giving my mum a huge hug at the same time. Before long I was moving into halls and starting the first year of my mental health nursing degree at the University of Manchester. I had made it!

 

 

I went into detail about a specific nurse earlier however, on the whole, I have been cared for by many exceptionally skilled nurses who have given me a huge amount of kindness and support. I thank them not only for their care but also for inspiring me to join the profession myself. I hold a place in my heart for them all.