Poetry

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Why I'm the way I am

 If only you knew

What I’ve been through

The suffering and pain

Hospital again and again

The torment and anguish

On not anyone would I wish

It feels like wasted time

I’ve been in prison, but committed no crime

Anorexia, anxiety, depression and OCD

Without these, where would I be

Career, car and house

Children and spouse

I’ve felt angry and sad

Ashamed and bad

Guilty and hopeless

Helpless and Worthless

I’m learning not to dwell

It’s just adding to the hell.

I’ve got to accept

That I’m not inept

Mental illness has got in the way

I’ll accept this one day

So what if I’m late

There is no set date

I must believe

That I’ll still achieve

There’s so much life ahead

Onwards and upwards, I need to tread  

I’ll tell my story

Despair and glory

The light I now see

I’m becoming the person I was always meant to be 


To live or die

 Guilt and shame

Rule the game

I don’t deserve to be here

The voices make that clear

I’m failing

I’m bailing

They’re better off without me

No future do I see

Too many mistakes

So for all our sakes

I can’t cope with life

Keep eyeing the knife

My head is a persecutor

Overly critical tutor

Thoughts are never-ending

Mood descending

Overwhelming distress

What a mess

Can’t cope

No hope

It would hurt my family though

If I were to go

They would feel pain

Their grief remain

What do I do?

Nowhere to run to

War against my head

Do I want to be dead?

I don’t know

Not sure where to go

I want to stay

Not run away

Challenge the voice

I have a choice

Live or die

Give up or try

It’s painful but right

Hope is in sight

I deserve to live

So much to give

A future for me,

I’m starting to see 


Recovery

 Not sure what it means to me

I know I want to be free

Free of the lies

Evil in disguise

Does it mean to cope

To still have hope

No letting it get in the way

To always have the final say

I used to see recovery in black and white

No grey in sight

I didn’t think recovery would ever happen for me

Others had hope but I didn’t agree

I saw no way out

Mind riddled with doubt

In time, hope came back

I figured I’d give it one more crack

   



 

 

 



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